A few years ago a collegue confided in me that he had some indiscretions with internet lusts...He said he had almost been caught and God had whispered to him to stop. One day his wife became acutely ill. He thought he might lose her to a heart attack. He said to me "Matt God will tell you the right way, sometimes He whispers, sometimes He shows you, sometimes He yells." That's usually because you're not getting it. "I don't want God to yell at me Matt."
At the time I had my own struggles and guilt with God... In April everything came to a head! God yelled at me and people were hurt. In that hurt others made bad reactions that caused a snowball effect that I am still dealing with. This has caused me to feel a resentment, an anger, and a hate I have never felt before... I have dealt with my God and I know I am paying for my sins. HE will develop me though all of this. I am asked for his forgiveness as the people I have hurt. HE is far too forgiving. I don't deserve it. But I know He will make me the man he wants and needs me to become out of all of this. I struggle with forgiveness. "Turn the other cheek" Jesus said. I feel I have done this for the past 10 years and I am fed up. But I pray He will sofen my heart toward the one who has assualted me. I guess it is the same forgiveness from the people I have hurt. I maybe that all comes back to the Lord's Prayer. Forgive me my tresspasses as I forgive others who have trespassed upon me... But, but... Yeah I guess there is no but. Except to say I will pray my heart softens so that I may one day forgive the one who hurt me... Because I accept the burden of those I have hurt... It is the cross I will carry until my last days... For that is between me and God. He has forgiven me. I guess I must forgive myself to forgive others...
God bless us all. It is true. Through HIM all things are possible. Prayer is healing too
