Pride & Submission

Our culture is rife with Pride. 

Rife def- Prevalent to an increasing degree. Abundant. Abounding. Unchecked or widespread, teeming, full.

 Pride CAN be good. But it can also lead us to where we don't need God. Or where we think we don't need Him. We can do it on our own.

 "Work hard, don't cry, get it done, be tough." I think the toughest thing we can do as men is cry... Ever done it? It hurts. It's tough. It ain't easy fer a man to cry. It ain't what were taught. If God didn't want men crying why'd He give us tears???   

   You can bury it, hide it, store it, but at some point your bucket is gunna get full. Are ya giving it to God? Are you coming to the feet of the cross and humbly saying, "I can't do it all without you." Cause you CAN do it. But at what cost? Your health? Your marriage? Your relationships? Your work product? 40-60-80hrs a week. Laying it at His feet can take away all the hurt, all the pain. Cast your cares upon Him (1Peter 5 6-8) He can/will lift you up and help you get it done.  

But our culture, our pride tells us, I did it, we did it... Did you??? Ever look back after and wonder how'd we do it??? I do... Every time I think of my marriage... You see I shouldn't be married to Ryan. She should have left me long ago.  

In my view she was a terrible wife. A good friend, an ok roommate, but not a great wife. But what were my expectations? Did I make them known? Were they unreasonable? IDK I never talked to her about um. Was I this incredible man, the most amazing husband without flaw? No. Who am I? Then my Pride came before the fall.  

Submission- we want our wives to be submissive to us (as the bible says). Are we submissive to Him?!? Are we loving her the way she needs to be loved (as the Bible commands?)

Give it UP! 👆🏽- Man o man when I began to give up, I began to give UP... He took me under His arm and held me in His hand and guided me. And I followed

Who am I? A leader? A follower? An American, A Montanan, A Rancher, A Cowboy, an Executive, a Man's man, an Operator, a Marine, soldier, sailor or Airman?

It wasn't until I followed that I could be able to lead. He wanted/He needed me to be less so HE could be more.

1 Peter 5:6-8

Ephesians 5:22-25

John 3:30

James 4:6

James 4:10

Proverbs 11:2 

Proverbs 13:10 

Proverbs 16:18

Montana

2020 brought so many life changes to our family.  The mysterious Pandemic COVID-19, shut down our entire country.  We got pregnant, later in life and three months later found out the baby was had not progressed.  We lost a baby.  The injury to my back resulted in me getting medically disabled from my profession.  We decoded to sell the house and rent for a year to see where God wanted to place us.  California had changed so much we could not fathom living there any longer.  The house sold in 5 days.

The country had been so divided through the election season.  It is my belief the election was stolen and cheated to not have Trump reelected.  The country is in turmoil. So many want to make our nation a socialist nation, the others want to reclaim our freedoms and be the Patriots our forefathers were.

God brought us to Montana.  He made it incredibly clear that this was where He wanted us to be.  It has been hard on Ryan, leaving her family. But, I believe she knows in her heart, this is right.  We are renting at an Airbnb for a few months while the former owners (we close escrow tomorrow), rent back from us and look for the Bison ranch they are searching for.  We will be permanent in May.

God has a purpose for me here, though I'm not completely sure what that is yet.  I feel I am being pulled toward ministry. But in time not now.  IDK.  We are all here for a purpose.  God has made such a clear path for us.  We've been here 10 days. Jake has already been to three batting practices.  We have been to a new church, met some new families. I have began to met with two fellas and am leading a men's group.  Charlie plugged in with the youth group at the church Sunday night.  I am glad she has found God again before we left CA and is still pursuing Him here.

The former owners of the house we bought are putting down one of the Bison.  Jake is going there in the a.m. to help harvest the animal for the meat and hide.  I'm sorry I will miss it. We are signing closing docs at the same time. Should be a great experience for Jake. He's really turning into a countdy boy.  He will live a life I always dreamed of.  I hope and pray he is fulfilled.  

We are all doing good.  All wishing we could get into our home quicker than May.  Ready to move forward instead of feeling like we are in Limbo.  All in all, I know God is with us. I have never felt more at home, more at peace, more comfortable and at ease.  I believe only God can provide that level of peace.

Cats in the Cradle -Life Failed

This song always resonated with me as a child.  I swore to myself I would work hard in my early years to be there for my children in their older years.  The words of this song just make me cry knowing I didn't accomplish my goal to be there as much as I wanted to be for my children.

God I hope and I pray I teach them and develop them to be a better parent than I was for them.  That family and time is more important than a job and/or career EVER will be. 

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then

Seek First HIS Kingdom

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33 NKJV https://bible.com/verse-of-the-day/mat.6.33/5765

Romantic

Just watched Valentine's Day.  It's a chick flick from like 2010.  I like Rom-Coms.  I'm a romantic.  I like romance.  I love the joy romance brings to a partner.  I love the joy I feel pleasing others.  I love intimacy. I love the spontaneity.  I love the rush.  I love being able to surprise them with a token of love and the reward when it is reciprocated.  I love seduction.  I love intellectual conversation.  I find it stimulating.  I love the mind.  I love a good mind fuck.  I guess my mind is always searching for the next way to romance, seduce, pleasure, stimulate and love...

I confess all of this because I guess I'm conflicted.  When my partner does not like romance, intimacy or seduction (giving or receiving) I feel neglected.  Neglected in my own pleasure, but more neglected in my desire to pleasure another.

My conflict resides in my Faith in Jesus.  Am I being selfish in my personal pleasure and not focused enough of God's will for me?  Am I not focused enough on the absolute Joy I can and will receive from Jesus?  Or do I just want that physical, mental satisfaction from a human being? 

God clearly wants me to be with my partner who absolutely has a polar opposite perspective on any romantic/intimacy scale.  It has been said, "opposites attract.". When does the attraction begin?  IDK. 

Conflicted

Love is a verb.  Actions can be expressed in a variety of ways. It can received in an equal amount of variety.  Chapman identifies 5 love languages on how people express/receive love. I found that my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. 

Without touch, there is no intimacy.  Without intimacy, there is no love. That is not true. There is love, but I don't feel it... How unwanted would you feel if your partner rarely touched you other than a hug or peck before you left for the day? 

Zero desire, zero initiation of anything sexual, zero seduction, zero intimacy or passion. How is one supposed to feel? 

But I have found that sex and physical intimacy is my idol.  So I have chosen to take a vow of celibacy.  Both from sex and self pleasure.  The only exception is if she initiates.  Which has maybe happened 5 times in our 15 year marriage. How depressing.  I wonder how long this will last. I wonder how long I can be disciplined? 

My conflict is with God. God placed her in my life. Not for me but for her.  He reminded me of that 6 years ago...  So am I destined to live unhappily for the remainder of my life?  Maybe so, cause that is God's command.  If there was no Good, I'm sure I would have left years ago. Unloved, unwanted, undesired...by her.

It has been said, we live a great FB marriage.  It has also been said we are great roommates.  Both are true I guess. 

Maybe the next 20 years will offer some hope.  

April 4, 2018 Hate-Love

I was awoken this morning and called to open the Book. Picking up where we left off. There are three portions which spoke to me this morning where I am. First "He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now." I John 2:9 NKJV I do not "hate" this person at work, because I truly do love him. But it's hard to love someone who continuously hurts you. So I do resent him. Which I guess is a form of hate right? I will work on "loving" him in my speech and in my heart, no matter how I may have been hurt in the past. Then I struggled with verses 12-14. Three Stages of Spiritual Maturity "I write to you, little children, Because your sins are forgiven you for His name’s sake. I write to you, fathers, Because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, Because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you, little children, Because you have known the Father. I have written to you, fathers, Because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, Because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, And you have overcome the wicked one." I John 2:12‭-‬14 NKJV I couldn't connect with it as a father. What is John saying as a father we have known Him from the beginning??? And he repeats it twice!!! So it must be important right? John Maxwell breaks it down into 3 stages of Spiritual Maturity. Little Children-Who are getting right with God and Forgiving of their sins Young Men- Who are waging Spiritual Warfare and defeating opposition Fathers-Who have an Intimacy with God. Why does he repeat it twice? As I reflect, I guess I may have been all three at different times in my life. Currently, I feel I am a young man in spiritual warfare. Lastly, Do Not Love the World. I never thought I was a worldly manna's I am not very materialistic. Tho I do list with the eye as I believe each of us men struggle with daily. I have always, always struggled with the lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes. But today I really feel Good calling me to realize my "pride of life-is not of the Father." I have always put my pride in my work. My work life is not what it should be. I feel God is calling me to give it UP. But I don't know what that means yet. Maybe not the job, but the pride. IDK. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. " I John 2:15‭-‬16 NKJV It was a great journey this morning through the Word. I am glad God spoke to me today. I love you both. I hope you have a great day.