The MOA- Men of Accountability
Since the retreat we have formed a group of three men whom are dedicated to keeping each other accountable. I have named our group MOA. Its an off shoot of SOA Sons of Anarchy. MOA also is a sniper/rifleman term having to do with minute units of measures when precision shooting. A minute of angle is a one inch for every 100 yards. If your shot is off a slight change in ones optics and scope can align the sights to hit the desired target. I liken the MOA to be the precise measurement that God uses in our lives to correct our behavior/actions/and lives. The MOA from an accountability standpoint is also that measurement angle that we as men correct and/or convict ourselves to be truly Men of God.
Our group is not revolutionary by any means. In fact God directs us in the Bible several times to hold each other accountable. Although from a personal standpoint it IS revolutionary in MY life as I have been transformed and these men are a huge part of it. God is great in so many ways.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Things you may not know about me FB
THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME... A FB exercise
1. I was raised by a single mother who worked full-time and went to night school to work on her law degree when my dad died.
2. By the time I was 10y/o, my baby brother had been killed in my driveway, my father was killed riding his motorcycle, grandma and grandpa died and my mom's uncle had died. Guess that's why I became a medic to try to save people.
3. Although not raised in the church my mom never kept me from it and I always knew "something" above was guiding me.
4. God placed Ryan in my life for a reason. Some I know, some I have yet to find out. But His work will only be done with us together.
5. I graduated SGHS with a 1.87 GPA. But when I put myself through college while working full time as a paramedic I maintained a 3.5 min GPA. (Probably because it was interesting)
6. I have never used illicit drugs and rarely if ever drink to drunkenness. (Its a control thing)
7. After my accident in 2002 I have many deficits. Some I conceal, some I cope with and adapt to and some I am I embarrassed I can not change.
I know I am the man I am today because of he values and ethics my mom and brother instilled in me. I also know that for everything I think "I" have done in this life, it has been God who has been working through me to accomplish those things. I had forgotten that for a while.
1. I was raised by a single mother who worked full-time and went to night school to work on her law degree when my dad died.
2. By the time I was 10y/o, my baby brother had been killed in my driveway, my father was killed riding his motorcycle, grandma and grandpa died and my mom's uncle had died. Guess that's why I became a medic to try to save people.
3. Although not raised in the church my mom never kept me from it and I always knew "something" above was guiding me.
4. God placed Ryan in my life for a reason. Some I know, some I have yet to find out. But His work will only be done with us together.
5. I graduated SGHS with a 1.87 GPA. But when I put myself through college while working full time as a paramedic I maintained a 3.5 min GPA. (Probably because it was interesting)
6. I have never used illicit drugs and rarely if ever drink to drunkenness. (Its a control thing)
7. After my accident in 2002 I have many deficits. Some I conceal, some I cope with and adapt to and some I am I embarrassed I can not change.
I know I am the man I am today because of he values and ethics my mom and brother instilled in me. I also know that for everything I think "I" have done in this life, it has been God who has been working through me to accomplish those things. I had forgotten that for a while.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
I'm on my knees
In October, I attended the Men's Retreat. What an amazing experience. We had just finished worship and singing "Stronger" by Hillsong. The lyrics broke me...I was weeping like a child. I felt, heard, sung and yelled the lyrics "Humbled to a sinner's cross.You broke my shame and sinfulness. You rose again victorious"... I could feel deeply that HE was working in me. I have never felt that kind of connection with God. Not when I was on fire for Him early in my walk. Not when I was baptized. HE was IN me. Then the chorus. I begin to sing louder and louder in praise until my voice begins to crack because I am crying painfully for my sins. I sing "You are stronger, you are stronger. Sin is broken. You have saved me." HE broke me. And it was okay. HE was telling me "I got this. I forgive you. Forgive yourself." The lyrics to this song opened me up so much and I was so relieved... I cannot wordsmith the relief I felt.
We then immediately split up into smaller groups of 3-4 men to share and open up with each other. I compose myself so as not to cry ifo the guys. Then Pastor Aaron sits in our group. UGH!!! I sit next time on Sundays as part of his safety ministry to provide protection for him. I am supposed to be a tough guy cop, and I'm crying. But it's ok. we each share and pray with and for each other. What a powerful experience to pray together sincerely and intimately.
In another service we take the time to have quiet time with God and we fall to our knees. I am on my knees!!! Speaking, listening and BEing with God. How humbling, how powerful, how amazing. HE Broke me! I had always felt I served God. But I had never fell to my knees and humbled myself to that degree where I truly served HIM. I guess I was always serving me and then HIM with what was left over. Not any more...
So I connect with two other guys who have similar struggles and and we become MOA. Men of Accountability for each other. We confess to each other our struggles later that night. I confide in them sins I have borne. And they share their sins with me. We each pledge to be with each other down the hill to hold each other accountable and keep each other from distractions and focused on God's will for us.
I have had temptations. I have battled and I have won. Each day is battle. But with HIM I can do all things. I have been reading in the word daily for 72 days now... Daily scripture devotional. It has been very good for me in my life. I can see the changes. God is great and I am thankful for the men HE has put into my life to keep me accountable.
We then immediately split up into smaller groups of 3-4 men to share and open up with each other. I compose myself so as not to cry ifo the guys. Then Pastor Aaron sits in our group. UGH!!! I sit next time on Sundays as part of his safety ministry to provide protection for him. I am supposed to be a tough guy cop, and I'm crying. But it's ok. we each share and pray with and for each other. What a powerful experience to pray together sincerely and intimately.
In another service we take the time to have quiet time with God and we fall to our knees. I am on my knees!!! Speaking, listening and BEing with God. How humbling, how powerful, how amazing. HE Broke me! I had always felt I served God. But I had never fell to my knees and humbled myself to that degree where I truly served HIM. I guess I was always serving me and then HIM with what was left over. Not any more...
So I connect with two other guys who have similar struggles and and we become MOA. Men of Accountability for each other. We confess to each other our struggles later that night. I confide in them sins I have borne. And they share their sins with me. We each pledge to be with each other down the hill to hold each other accountable and keep each other from distractions and focused on God's will for us.
I have had temptations. I have battled and I have won. Each day is battle. But with HIM I can do all things. I have been reading in the word daily for 72 days now... Daily scripture devotional. It has been very good for me in my life. I can see the changes. God is great and I am thankful for the men HE has put into my life to keep me accountable.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Sometimes God yells
A few years ago a collegue confided in me that he had some indiscretions with internet lusts...He said he had almost been caught and God had whispered to him to stop. One day his wife became acutely ill. He thought he might lose her to a heart attack. He said to me "Matt God will tell you the right way, sometimes He whispers, sometimes He shows you, sometimes He yells." That's usually because you're not getting it. "I don't want God to yell at me Matt."
At the time I had my own struggles and guilt with God... In April everything came to a head! God yelled at me and people were hurt. In that hurt others made bad reactions that caused a snowball effect that I am still dealing with. This has caused me to feel a resentment, an anger, and a hate I have never felt before... I have dealt with my God and I know I am paying for my sins. HE will develop me though all of this. I am asked for his forgiveness as the people I have hurt. HE is far too forgiving. I don't deserve it. But I know He will make me the man he wants and needs me to become out of all of this. I struggle with forgiveness. "Turn the other cheek" Jesus said. I feel I have done this for the past 10 years and I am fed up. But I pray He will sofen my heart toward the one who has assualted me. I guess it is the same forgiveness from the people I have hurt. I maybe that all comes back to the Lord's Prayer. Forgive me my tresspasses as I forgive others who have trespassed upon me... But, but... Yeah I guess there is no but. Except to say I will pray my heart softens so that I may one day forgive the one who hurt me... Because I accept the burden of those I have hurt... It is the cross I will carry until my last days... For that is between me and God. He has forgiven me. I guess I must forgive myself to forgive others...
God bless us all. It is true. Through HIM all things are possible. Prayer is healing too
At the time I had my own struggles and guilt with God... In April everything came to a head! God yelled at me and people were hurt. In that hurt others made bad reactions that caused a snowball effect that I am still dealing with. This has caused me to feel a resentment, an anger, and a hate I have never felt before... I have dealt with my God and I know I am paying for my sins. HE will develop me though all of this. I am asked for his forgiveness as the people I have hurt. HE is far too forgiving. I don't deserve it. But I know He will make me the man he wants and needs me to become out of all of this. I struggle with forgiveness. "Turn the other cheek" Jesus said. I feel I have done this for the past 10 years and I am fed up. But I pray He will sofen my heart toward the one who has assualted me. I guess it is the same forgiveness from the people I have hurt. I maybe that all comes back to the Lord's Prayer. Forgive me my tresspasses as I forgive others who have trespassed upon me... But, but... Yeah I guess there is no but. Except to say I will pray my heart softens so that I may one day forgive the one who hurt me... Because I accept the burden of those I have hurt... It is the cross I will carry until my last days... For that is between me and God. He has forgiven me. I guess I must forgive myself to forgive others...
God bless us all. It is true. Through HIM all things are possible. Prayer is healing too
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Andy Matthews Cancer Federation
It has been in the works on/off for about a year and a half... I started drafting ByLaws a year and a half ago. I finally spoke to all the people I thought would be best to serve on the board. Each one brings different dynamic that represents Andy well. Ron and I were his best friends before he died. Each of us are completely different... Candace has known Andyman since the academy also and she brings a sound business sense and resources that I don't have. Rafael one of his longest friends and former roommates will also be a part of it. His mother Sharon of course to bring the array of wisdom that she provides. I love her.
My goal is to get this up and running by his five year anniversary in January of 2014. Wish me luck. OH what isit we are doing??? Great question!
Before Andy died he said he wished there was a way deputies/police officers could get additional money to get the care for cancer that HMO's or Worker's Comp would not pay for. And so the idea began. Let's start a non-profit in Andy's name that we could give back to those in need. And maybe someone could beat this beast called cancer and not suffer the way Andy did... Up until the day he died he never felt sorry for himself. He was never angry or spiteful. He never asked for help. He maintained his independence and dignity til the end.
So the ball is rolling... I have tapped into others who have the same desire and passion to have Andy's legacy live on. I am happy and blessed to have the support...
Let's see where we go
My goal is to get this up and running by his five year anniversary in January of 2014. Wish me luck. OH what isit we are doing??? Great question!
Before Andy died he said he wished there was a way deputies/police officers could get additional money to get the care for cancer that HMO's or Worker's Comp would not pay for. And so the idea began. Let's start a non-profit in Andy's name that we could give back to those in need. And maybe someone could beat this beast called cancer and not suffer the way Andy did... Up until the day he died he never felt sorry for himself. He was never angry or spiteful. He never asked for help. He maintained his independence and dignity til the end.
So the ball is rolling... I have tapped into others who have the same desire and passion to have Andy's legacy live on. I am happy and blessed to have the support...
Let's see where we go
Sunday, January 20, 2013
2012 is behind us
2012 is gone. It is in the past. I did not accomplish many of the goals I set for myself this year. And yet I accomplished so many. I accomplished all of the pre-req's I needed to acquire my EMT-P except I didn't take the National Registry Paramedic test before October so now I'm down 24 hour re-cert class again. But I don't think I will get my P back, however much I want it... However I finally was selected to go to Gangs. I have been given the opportunity to lead the team and bring it out of a dismal reputation. The team is working like a well oiled machine. The troops are reaching every potential they didn't even know they had.
I have never felt more comfortable, more in-sync in any position I have ever worked with the exception of when I was a paramedic. Great to be surrounded by great men who work hard and work for sound leadership who allow the work to be done the right way. Taught Combat Medicine for Annual Training. went far better than I expected it to...
2013 sets some new opportunities for me. I am beginning Leadership Development Institute (LDI) for the next six months and also simultaneously begin POST Master Instructor/Instructor Development Institute (IDI) for the next 18 months. Looking forward to IDI more than LDI. Funny how a Leadership and Instructor Leadership class can have soooo many "I's" in their acronyms... HA!!! Guess that's just a testament of the leaders who develop these courses...We'll see how they go.
On a personal note we are coming up on Andy's 4 year anniversary. I have neglected to get the AMCF Non-Profit up and running months ago. So add another major project on top of everything else. But we'll get it goin. The goal is to have it completed by the 5year anniversary.
Would like to focus more time to home school my kids to help Ryan and work more with the children. Haven't been much help the last 6 months. Looking forward to taking a bigger role in their education. Blessed to have such an amazing neighborhood of friends we live with and share our lives with. We are pretty blessed. Not sure why God has given me such amazing blessings when I fail so often for Him.
Need to get back in my walk with Jesus. Pastor Aaron said today that He will be there for you at every crossroad. Yet the only thing I could think was, Why do I keep walking away??? I am a sinner and in such a failure. That doesn't sit well with me because I don't fail when I know what to do. Yet I fail daily. 2013 brings new opportunities for accomplishments, success, grace, forgiveness, and wisdom. But without Jesus none of that happens. Amazing how I KNOW this and still walk away thru sin... Pray for my strength. See ya next month.
I have never felt more comfortable, more in-sync in any position I have ever worked with the exception of when I was a paramedic. Great to be surrounded by great men who work hard and work for sound leadership who allow the work to be done the right way. Taught Combat Medicine for Annual Training. went far better than I expected it to...
2013 sets some new opportunities for me. I am beginning Leadership Development Institute (LDI) for the next six months and also simultaneously begin POST Master Instructor/Instructor Development Institute (IDI) for the next 18 months. Looking forward to IDI more than LDI. Funny how a Leadership and Instructor Leadership class can have soooo many "I's" in their acronyms... HA!!! Guess that's just a testament of the leaders who develop these courses...We'll see how they go.
On a personal note we are coming up on Andy's 4 year anniversary. I have neglected to get the AMCF Non-Profit up and running months ago. So add another major project on top of everything else. But we'll get it goin. The goal is to have it completed by the 5year anniversary.
Would like to focus more time to home school my kids to help Ryan and work more with the children. Haven't been much help the last 6 months. Looking forward to taking a bigger role in their education. Blessed to have such an amazing neighborhood of friends we live with and share our lives with. We are pretty blessed. Not sure why God has given me such amazing blessings when I fail so often for Him.
Need to get back in my walk with Jesus. Pastor Aaron said today that He will be there for you at every crossroad. Yet the only thing I could think was, Why do I keep walking away??? I am a sinner and in such a failure. That doesn't sit well with me because I don't fail when I know what to do. Yet I fail daily. 2013 brings new opportunities for accomplishments, success, grace, forgiveness, and wisdom. But without Jesus none of that happens. Amazing how I KNOW this and still walk away thru sin... Pray for my strength. See ya next month.
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