I'm on my knees

 In October, I attended the Men's Retreat.  What an amazing experience.   We had just finished worship and singing "Stronger" by Hillsong.  The lyrics broke me...I was weeping like a child.   I felt, heard, sung and yelled the lyrics "Humbled to a sinner's cross.You broke my shame and sinfulness. You rose again victorious"...  I could feel deeply that HE was working in me.  I have never felt that kind of connection with God.  Not when I was on fire for Him early in my walk.  Not when I was baptized.  HE was IN me.  Then the chorus.  I begin to sing louder and louder in praise until my voice begins to crack because I am crying painfully for my sins.  I sing "You are stronger, you are stronger.  Sin is broken.  You have saved me."  HE broke me.  And it was okay.  HE was telling me "I got this.  I forgive you.  Forgive yourself."  The lyrics to this song opened me up so much and I was so relieved... I cannot wordsmith the relief I felt.

We then immediately split up into smaller groups of 3-4 men to share and open up with each other.  I compose myself so as not to cry ifo the guys.  Then Pastor Aaron sits in our group.  UGH!!!  I sit next time on Sundays as part of his safety ministry to provide protection for him.  I am supposed to be a tough guy cop, and I'm crying.  But it's ok.  we each share and pray with and for each other.  What a powerful experience to pray together sincerely and intimately.

In another service we take the time to have quiet time with God and we fall to our knees.  I am on my knees!!!  Speaking, listening and BEing with God.  How humbling, how powerful, how amazing.  HE Broke me!  I had always felt I served God.  But I had never fell to my knees and humbled myself to that degree where I truly served HIM.  I guess I was always serving me and then HIM with what was left over.  Not any more...

So I connect with two other guys who have similar struggles and and we become MOA.  Men of Accountability for each other.  We confess to each other our struggles later that night.  I confide in them sins I have borne.  And they share their sins with me.  We each pledge to be with each other down the hill to hold each other accountable and keep each other from distractions and focused on God's will for us.  

I have had temptations.  I have battled and I have won.  Each day is battle.  But with HIM I can do all things.  I have been reading in the word daily for 72 days now...  Daily scripture devotional.  It has been very good for me in my life.  I can see the changes.  God is great and I am thankful for the men HE has put into my life to keep me accountable.